1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:05,080 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,960 [goat bleating] 3 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,440 [soft piano music playing] 4 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,360 [Jeremy] It's easy to be distracted by stuff you see on the farm. 5 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,840 Barn owls especially. 6 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:55,200 But the fact is, I had two big jobs on my to-do list. 7 00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:01,040 Number one, work out how we'd celebrate Christmas at the pub. 8 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,640 And number two, 9 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,600 decide what to do about the London rally 10 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,440 that was being planned by farmers to protest 11 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,600 about the budget. 12 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,880 This march... 13 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,000 Next week, Tuesday. 14 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,880 [Jeremy] The question is, 15 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:26,960 do we go? 16 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,440 Because if it turns ugly, people start flinging, 17 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,760 -you know, some... -Wellies or something. 18 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,640 ...muck-spreaders and things and start covering public buildings in slurry 19 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:37,680 like the French do, 20 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,880 do you wanna be associated with that? 21 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,000 And if you don't go, 22 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,320 does it look like you're not backing the farmers? 23 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,440 Oh God... 24 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,760 I don't want to be in a riot. 25 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,960 Hmm... I don't wanna be in a riot. 26 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:55,120 And, quite a few people are saying that I should make a speech. 27 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,520 [Kaleb] I mean, I'm gonna have to go. 28 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,000 I don't like big crowds and I'm literally gonna be in the middle of a big crowd. 29 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,200 I'm gonna be the worst person there. 30 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,840 [Jeremy] I don't mind a crowd, and it's nice to go down to London. 31 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,040 I'll be able to talk about Al Pacino and people will know what I'm on about. 32 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,800 So are you going? 33 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,440 I think I'm going to go. 34 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:18,000 Erm... And I'm gonna lay on a coach. 35 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,600 -I think that's a good idea. -So that if... Well. 36 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,200 For two reasons: one, it's a nice thing to do, 37 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,560 and the other thing, this is for farmers to go to London. 38 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,040 And the other is, if there's a coach going, 39 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,600 it will stop a farmer taking a tractor and a muck-spreader. 40 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,920 All right, I'll be on the bus then, yeah? 41 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:38,360 And I'm going to make a decision on speaking kind of when I'm there. 42 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,360 Because, you know, if you're standing in the middle of flares going off-- 43 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:42,360 Yeah, yeah. 44 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,960 And slurry being flung around the place... 45 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,200 You don't wanna be doing a speech then, do you? 46 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,840 -[Jeremy] It's hasty-retreat time. -I'd be off then. 47 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,600 Well, you won't, cause you don't know your way around London. 48 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,520 -No, I don't. I'll stick with you. -Stick with me. 49 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:52,760 Yeah. 50 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,520 [Jeremy] Discussion over, Kaleb and I went to see 51 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,440 the un-roundup-able EasyCare sheep. 52 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:00,600 -How are you? -Morning. Very well, thank you. 53 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,600 [Jeremy] Because the new EasyCare boyfriends were being delivered. 54 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,480 They're mice! Why have I got two mice? 55 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,200 -[laughing] -[Jeremy] Woolly mice. 56 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,080 -[John] Yeah... -[Jeremy] Also, quite small testes. 57 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,000 [Louise] It's only because it's cold. 58 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,960 -[Jeremy] Oh, is it? -[laughing] 59 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,480 [Jeremy] Once Kaleb had slathered their chests in marker paint 60 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:24,400 so we'd know which sheep they'd serviced, 61 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,760 the rams trotted off to meet the ladies. 62 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,800 That one is tiny. 63 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,440 [Louise] But again, you know, EasyCares are more feminine. 64 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,040 They don't look like your average really big rams. 65 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,520 [Jeremy] I then told Louise that one of the ewes had died. 66 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,640 And she had a rather surprising theory about why. 67 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:49,360 You know what? 68 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,680 What I think, I maybe left the sister or something at home 69 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,480 and it's just gone into a complete spiral of despair 70 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,280 that its sister wasn't with it. 71 00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,280 Really? 72 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,840 -[Jeremy] Pining? -[Louise] Yeah. 73 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:03,960 [Jeremy] It actually died of a broken heart? 74 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:04,960 [Louise] Yes, yes. 75 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,640 [Jeremy] Bloody hell. Who knew? 76 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,760 Oh, look, they're off, they're off. 77 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,160 -[Louise chuckling] God... -[Jeremy] The women are running away. 78 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,520 [Louise] They always do, to be fair, at first. 79 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,720 [country music playing] 80 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,240 [Jeremy] Leaving the rams to their romancing, 81 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,200 I headed over to the pub, 82 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:28,840 because apparently, there'd been a disturbance in the force. 83 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:35,400 Annie tells me somebody has had an accident in here. 84 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,480 [Jeremy gagging] 85 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:51,880 [coughing] 86 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:56,920 No way! 87 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,400 [Jeremy] I was so astonished I had to get a second opinion. 88 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,720 Fuck's sake. 89 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,840 [Jeremy] And even a third. 90 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,240 [Charlotte] That's vile. 91 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,240 That's actually vile. 92 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,120 [Nick] That can't be one person. 93 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,080 That's gotta be, like, five people. 94 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:24,920 [Jeremy] This event could not have happened on a worse day. 95 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,200 Because some very special guests were inbound. 96 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,840 I'd always been keen for the pub to host live music evenings, 97 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,960 and Lisa, having trawled through her Irish address book, 98 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:42,040 had managed to book The Corrs. 99 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,880 And a couple of hours later, 100 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,480 with the car park hosting a full-on hazmat clean-up operation, 101 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,720 they arrived! 102 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,960 -Hello. -Jeremy, I'm Sharon. How are you? 103 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,480 Hi there. I'm very well. How are you? 104 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,840 -So here we are. -We're very happy, yes. 105 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:05,360 When was the last time you played at a venue smaller than this? 106 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,920 [Sharon and Jim Corr] Oh... 107 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,120 [Jeremy] Once inside, they began the sound check. 108 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,720 ♪ So go on, go on ♪ 109 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,120 ♪ Come on, leave me breathless ♪ 110 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,480 ♪ Tempt me... ♪ 111 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,720 [Jeremy] And as I was taking in this surreal moment, 112 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,000 His Cheerfulness arrived. 113 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,600 -Amazing, innit? -It is. But I have been thinking. 114 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,360 -Health and safety... Don't tell me. -No, no. 115 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:36,520 It's gonna be quite difficult to go to the loo while they're singing. 116 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,720 Why? 117 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,880 Just... 'Cause they're right there. 118 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:44,680 Oh! 119 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,160 I'll cancel it. 120 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,560 [Charlie chuckling] 121 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,040 And, you know, power's not perfect here and we have this on? 122 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,000 No. 123 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,520 So there's some worry that, you know, we're gonna have to turn stuff off 124 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,680 in there when they start singing. 125 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,000 The problem is... 126 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,480 Well, the problem is, 127 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:06,440 we've got people booked in, you know, right the way... 128 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,240 8:45 onwards. 129 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,680 -So we're still gonna be serving food. -You're saying is we can't serve food 130 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,080 and have a gig on at the same time? 131 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,200 Do you want Andrea Corr to be giving you a bollocking... 132 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,800 -[Jeremy] Or a sausage roll? -Or a sausage roll? 133 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,200 Let's have The Corrs. 134 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,680 [music fading out] 135 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,400 [Andrea] This seems very exciting. 136 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,120 [Jeremy] Once the sound check was over... 137 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,440 [Jeremy] Those acoustics aren't bad, are they, in there? 138 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:37,880 [Andrea] Really good, really good. 139 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,640 [Jeremy] I showed The Corrs to their dressing room. 140 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,840 It's actually my office, which I've given over to you. 141 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:44,880 [Sharon] That's very nice. 142 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,720 -[Andrea stumbling] Oh! Lovely. -[Jeremy] Yeah, mind the steps. 143 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:48,880 [Andrea] This is... Ooh. 144 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,440 -[Andrea] Wow. -Yeah, it smells a bit. 145 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:52,960 [Jim] Who did the decor? 146 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,160 [Sharon] The Smarties are a particularly good touch. 147 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,120 No, no, no, not Smarties. 148 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,640 What are they? MandMs? 149 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,360 [Jeremy] Yeah, but what have we done? Just to show we've... 150 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,720 [Sharon] You've taken out the brown ones! 151 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,320 [Jeremy] We took out the brown ones. 152 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,400 -[Sharon] That was Prince. -I thought it was Van Halen. 153 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,280 [Sharon] Yeah, it could have been. I thought it was Prince. 154 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,000 -Anyway, this is your green room. -[Sharon] I don't know. 155 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,560 There's my office chair. You're more than welcome. 156 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,440 -[Sharon] Wow. -[Jeremy] Sorry it's not bigger. 157 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,720 And I'm sorry that there's a beam in it. 158 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:24,360 But well, you're on at 8, and it's now 5. 159 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,280 Anyway, I'll leave you to it. I'm just gonna go out and close the door. 160 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:28,960 -[Caroline] Could we get a heater? -Don't lock us in now. 161 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,600 A fan heater? No, we haven't got one. 162 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,440 -[Caroline] Are you sure? -[Jeremy] Well, the problem is, 163 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,120 we haven't got enough electricity. 164 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,560 -Oh... -We're genuinely worried. 165 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,560 -It's either cooking tonight or singing. -Okay. 166 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,120 [Jeremy] You won't be disturbed in here, that's the important thing. 167 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,680 -[Caroline] Okay. -[Jeremy] See you later, guys. 168 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,560 -Thanks, Jeremy. -[Sharon] We're a little bit... 169 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,840 [Jeremy] 2 hours and 55 minutes later, 170 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,680 The Corrs were, understandably, 171 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,400 quite keen to get on stage. 172 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:00,600 [Andrea] Oh, God. 173 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,800 [Jeremy] I do love you touring with James May, I think that's great. 174 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,080 It's nice to see he's got gainful employment. 175 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,600 [laughing] 176 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,880 Ladies and gentlemen! 177 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,120 [crowd cheering] 178 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,600 Thank you very much. 179 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,760 Next week, they will be performing at the O2, 180 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,760 but tonight, 181 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,280 they will be performing in The Farmer's Dog, 182 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,080 the first band to do so. 183 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,280 Ladies and gentlemen, The Corrs! 184 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,280 [crowd cheering] 185 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,400 Good evening, you fine folk of The Farmer's Dog. 186 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,160 ["Breathless", by The Corrs starts playing] 187 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,760 [Jeremy] The Corrs then delighted the room with some of their biggest hits. 188 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,960 ♪ So go on, go on ♪ 189 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,360 ♪ Come on, leave me breathless ♪ 190 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,000 ♪ Tempt me, tease me ♪ 191 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,720 ♪ Until I can't deny this ♪ 192 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:11,280 ♪ I would run away with you ♪ 193 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,240 ♪ Because... ♪ 194 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:19,120 [crowd singing] ♪ I have fallen in love ♪ 195 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,880 ♪ With you ♪ 196 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,120 [woman] Do you remember The Corrs? 197 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,120 [Kaleb] No. 198 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,080 No idea who they are. 199 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,760 ["Toss the Feathers" by The Corrs playing] 200 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:41,360 [Jeremy] By the end, Charlie had stopped worrying about electricity and lavatories 201 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:44,160 and had even taken to the dancefloor. 202 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,440 [music continues playing] 203 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,120 [crowd cheering] 204 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:02,720 Thank you very much! 205 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,120 [cheering] 206 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,800 [Caroline] Thank you very much. 207 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,680 [overlapping conversations] 208 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:13,320 [Jeremy] Afterwards, their biggest fan of many years standing couldn't wait 209 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,040 to congratulate them. 210 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,320 -Lovely to meet you. That was amazing. -[Andrea] Thank you. 211 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,000 [Jeremy] That vibe, honestly... 212 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:23,720 For me, tonight is the full pinch-pinch. 213 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:27,640 When you go, "We had this idea of what the pub would be like", 214 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,480 and then you look at this and go, 215 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,880 "We've done it, we've actually done it." 216 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,440 [tense music playing] 217 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:44,360 [Jeremy] A couple of days later, it was time for another big event, 218 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,640 only this one was much more serious. 219 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:51,200 [Kaleb] Here we are, look at this. 220 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,960 [Jeremy] Because today was the day of the farmers' rally in London. 221 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,800 [tense music continues] 222 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,800 -Morning, all. -[man] Morning. 223 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,040 [Charlie] Right. 224 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,320 -Hello. -Hello. 225 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,280 James. 226 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,400 James, hi. Charlie. Pleased to meet you. 227 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:24,200 [Jeremy] The Diddly Squat convoy thundered down the M40. 228 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,200 And once it reached London, 229 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:33,040 I sought advice on the conundrum running round my head. 230 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,200 Right, to speak or not to speak? Shall we have a vote? 231 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,080 What, just generally speak or not to speak? 232 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,920 Well, the doctor told me not to speak. Amazon's told me not to speak. 233 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,080 -[Charlie] There it is, Kaleb, look. -[Kaleb] What's that? 234 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,600 -That's the Royal Albert Hall. -Is that a museum? 235 00:12:58,760 --> 00:12:59,760 No. 236 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,600 At the end is Parliament Square, where the Houses of Parliament are. 237 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,760 [Charlie] Right, let's get kitted up. 238 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,240 Morning, morning. 239 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,600 Are you all completely lost now, I'm guessing, are you? 240 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,920 -Yeah. -I've lived here 30 years. Follow me. 241 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,800 I know where we're going. 242 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,840 [Jeremy] None of us fancied being part of a riot-hungry mob, 243 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,680 but when we reached Whitehall, the location of the rally, 244 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,640 veteran broadcaster Andrew Marr 245 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,520 sort of put that worry to bed. 246 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,040 It's early in the day, it's only 11 o'clock or so, and it's wet. 247 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,360 Lots of comments about this is gonna be overtaken by the Far Right, 248 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,680 it was going to be extremist. 249 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,440 And I've come down to look. 250 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,560 And this is mainstream, patient, weather-beaten, 251 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,440 decent Britain on the streets. It's really impressive. 252 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,080 [whistles blowing] 253 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:54,080 Isle of Wight. 254 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,720 -Hertfordshire. -Devon. 255 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,120 [whistles blowing and horns hooting] 256 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,440 We're quite a small farm, only about just over 200 acres, 257 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,080 but it's gonna hit us hard. We're arable. 258 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,720 We'll never ever be able to afford what they want us to pay 259 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,760 and we will have to sell up. 260 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,680 How can you ask people to give up a lifestyle 261 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,080 and punish them for producing food 262 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,320 and looking after the countryside? 263 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:25,000 [Jeremy] Meanwhile, Charlie had been asked by a reporter for a quick comment. 264 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,000 And she was indeed getting his version of "quick". 265 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,560 Out of those 1,500, there will be a minority that are not impacted 266 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,400 by the combination of business and Agricultural Property Relief. 267 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,720 You know, it has a massive impact. 268 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,640 Yes, financially, but also on confidence 269 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,720 to invest in future production... 270 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,800 [dialogue fading out] 271 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,120 [dialogue fading in] 272 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,360 [Charlie] That's 1.2 million. 273 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,720 So they'll have a tax liability on the actual asset 274 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,280 that they're producing milk from. 275 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,400 [journalist] We're 2 minutes over time, if that's okay to wrap, that'd be great. 276 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,400 Thank you so much. 277 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,320 [Jeremy] By noon, with Whitehall absolutely packed 278 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,440 by thousands of farmers and their families, 279 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,400 the speakers took to the stage. 280 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,040 This week in the Lords, I spoke against this proposal 281 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,560 {\an8}from the Labour benches. 282 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,160 {\an8}And from every bench in that house, 283 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:26,240 {\an8}Conservative, Liberal Democrat, cross-benchers, and even the bishops, 284 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,720 speakers condemned this policy. 285 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:33,200 -You have... -[crowd cheering] 286 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:37,240 You have the backing of the nation for what you are doing here today. 287 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,520 -Very good. -[cheering continues] 288 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,160 I'm Olly Harrison. 289 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,880 I'm just an arable farmer from near Liverpool. 290 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:49,800 My family has farmed in Tarbock for 175 years, 291 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,840 with me being the fifth generation, 292 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,400 and James' dreaming of being the sixth. 293 00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,040 [crowd cheering] 294 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,640 Why do we farm? 295 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,280 Why do we accept low prices? 296 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,600 Why do we put up with low wages and long hours? 297 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:13,760 I'll tell you why. 298 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,800 We farm for our children. 299 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,720 We farm to feed the nation. 300 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,480 We farm because it's in our blood. 301 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,000 And we farm because we love it. 302 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,360 No one does it for the money. 303 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,720 There is none. 304 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,720 Do they know what it's like to get up at 4 a.m. to feed cows? 305 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,960 [crowd shouting] No! 306 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,920 [Olly Harrison] Do they know what it's like to give CPR to a weak lamb? 307 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,560 [crowd shouting] No! 308 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,240 [Olly Harrison] Do they know what it's like to unblock a combine at 2 a.m. 309 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,080 with bleeding hands and knuckles 'cause of the thistle in it? 310 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,000 [crowd shouting] No! 311 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,040 [Olly Harrison] Do the government even know where food comes from? 312 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,640 [crowd shouting louder] No! 313 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,160 [Olly Harrison] Today we come together to show the government we will be heard. 314 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,760 Downing Street, if you can hear us, 315 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,480 you need to fix this. 316 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,720 [crowd shouting] Yeah! 317 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,200 [crowd cheering and applauding] 318 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:24,760 [Jeremy] I couldn't possibly match the emotional power of Olly's words, 319 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,600 but I did think there was one point I could make. 320 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,640 -Hello everybody. -[crowd cheering] 321 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:36,560 [Jeremy] Now, I know a lot of people, all across the country, in all walks of life, 322 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,920 took a bit of a kick on the shin with that budget. 323 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,000 You lot got a knee in the nuts. 324 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,520 [crowd cheering] 325 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,520 [Jeremy] I know. 326 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,760 You've heard a lot about it today and I'm not gonna dwell on that. 327 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,560 I will just say this. 328 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,560 Rachel Reeves has told us... 329 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,520 What is it? 330 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:59,080 72% of farms are gonna be unaffected by this. 331 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,520 Let's see if we can educate her here. 332 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:06,560 How many people here, if you'd raise your hands, are from a family farm? 333 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,200 I want to see. Right, that's a lot of hands. 334 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,160 Now, I want you to lower them if, if... 335 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,720 you think, and you've had time to work this out, 336 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,400 you think you're going to be unaffected 337 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,920 by the changes to APR and BPR. 338 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,360 Put your hands down if you're gonna be unaffected. 339 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,520 Thank you. 340 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,400 My case rests. 341 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,320 [crowd cheering and applauding] 342 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:31,360 Thank you, everybody. 343 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,600 [cheering continues] 344 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:41,200 [soft music] 345 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:45,400 [Jeremy] In the end, I was glad I'd gone to the rally and spoken, 346 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,920 but not everyone shared that view. 347 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,400 Doctor went berserk with me last night. 348 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,680 What for? Just... 349 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:57,720 She went, 350 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,240 "You know we told you to have six weeks rest?" 351 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,880 She said, "I meant sitting by the fire drinking minestrone soup..." 352 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,000 [coughing] 353 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,600 "Reading a book." 354 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:11,800 I haven't been doing that. 355 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,400 -[Jeremy whistling] -[Lisa] What can I do, K? 356 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,720 [Jeremy] Kaleb and Lisa obviously agreed with the doctor, 357 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,920 because when I tried to help them with the cow weighing, 358 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,120 I was immediately fired. 359 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,760 [Lisa] No, no, no, don't. Stop it! Just don't. 360 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,360 You're gonna hurt your back and then you're gonna go... 361 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,120 I love this! This is great! 362 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,320 [Jeremy] I know you don't want me helping but who would do this without me? 363 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,560 Well, I think Kaleb and I could manage it. 364 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,240 Go on. 365 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,040 [Lisa] 592. 366 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,840 [Jeremy] Having been shooed away, I did some irritating government paperwork. 367 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,520 But this quickly became boring. 368 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,920 So I went down to the woods to cut down a Christmas tree for the pub. 369 00:19:59,080 --> 00:19:59,920 Where are they? 370 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,960 [Jeremy] Yes... There's a tree. 371 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,040 It's a beauty. 372 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,640 I must be careful... 373 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,520 not to cut myself, 'cause I'm on blood thinners. 374 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,320 [Jeremy] As it turned out, 375 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,200 this wasn't the medical issue that mattered. 376 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,040 [Jeremy breathing heavily] 377 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,560 [Jeremy groaning] 378 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,800 [breathing heavily] 379 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,080 [panting] 380 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,440 I shouldn't have done that. 381 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:43,960 [sighs] 382 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,560 Not doing that again. 383 00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:01,240 [Jeremy] After this, I decided I needed a proper rest. 384 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:09,640 But that night, Mother Nature decided otherwise. 385 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,800 Storm Darragh has left thousands of people without power 386 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,240 across the UK and the Republic of Ireland. 387 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,200 A rare "red" warning for strong winds has been issued, 388 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,760 meaning there's a danger to life. 389 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,440 [wind whistling] 390 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,360 [metal clanking] 391 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,440 {\an8}[Lisa] The sound is terrible. 392 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,560 My big worry is the trees. 393 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,520 [whistling and clanking continues] 394 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:54,880 [Lisa] Ah, Jesus. 395 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,760 [Jeremy] In the morning, I met with Annie for a damage report. 396 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:22,600 It swung twice, it went really high, 90 degrees, cracked, 397 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,680 and straight down, missed the bonnet of a car by centimetres. 398 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,280 Yeah, that would be... That's a weighty item, innit? 399 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:29,720 You can't move it. It's too heavy. 400 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,520 -Oh, God, yeah. -[laughing] I know! 401 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,520 -[Jeremy] Shit, look at it. -[Annie] Yeah, it is ripped. 402 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,640 -[Jeremy] Morning. -[woman] Morning. 403 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,920 [wind whistling] 404 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,520 [Jeremy] So there's a beam come down there, look. 405 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,440 And 'cause we've lost the structure of the outside, 406 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:48,560 these could now come down. 407 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,960 [Jeremy] Shit... 408 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,280 [Jeremy] Outside, there was more carnage in the car park. 409 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,080 [Annie] All of the festoon lighting has been ripped. 410 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,960 [Jeremy] And some of the trees had indeed taken a battering. 411 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,360 [Annie] The one that's most precarious is here. 412 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,600 -[Jeremy] Oh, yeah, shit. -[Annie] That's not good. 413 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,600 [Jeremy] Yeah... 414 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,120 [tense music] 415 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:19,600 [Jeremy] Back at the farm, Lisa was surveying what 10 hours ago had been 416 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,840 the house where her faceless sheep lived. 417 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:24,880 [bleating] 418 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,000 -Jesus Christ. -I know. 419 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,640 Yeah. Luckily the sheep weren't in it when it tumbled. 420 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,720 We built a little pen for them out of straw 421 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,920 but I've got to get them into the barn, 422 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,360 the cow barn on the other side. 423 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,200 -[Jeremy] We'll put them in the new barn. -[Lisa] No. 424 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,520 -The cow barn's better. -[Jeremy] No, the new barn. 425 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,040 -We can't put them in the new barn. -[Jeremy] Why can't we? 426 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,560 Because I've got... some snails in there that I'm breeding. 427 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:52,800 -I mean... -Snails? 428 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:53,760 Yeah. 429 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,240 [Jeremy] Every time we have a barn that's empty for 5 minutes, you fill it up. 430 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,080 It was totally empty for about a month. 431 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,120 Look. 432 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,640 [Jeremy] Oh my f-! What the hell? 433 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,960 -[Lisa] Nice, right. -[Jeremy] What's this? 434 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,880 Tada! Behold. 435 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,960 So I've got a thousand snails. They're gonna breed. 436 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,080 -[Jeremy] But why have you got them? -[Lisa] Okay. 437 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,080 -So when the mucin starts coming out... -[Jeremy] The what? 438 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,960 The mucin. The slime that comes out. It's called mucin. 439 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,360 And it's anti-inflammatory. It's anti-ageing. 440 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,160 So, so... We're gonna have to start from the beginning. I'm utterly lost. 441 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:27,120 Okay. 442 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,920 -Snail slime. -Yes, it's a thing. 443 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,000 -It's what you're farming here. -Yes. 444 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,720 -A lot of beef farmers... -The slime? 445 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,560 -Yes! And the slime... -What do you do with it? 446 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,200 Well, I put it on my face and it's amazing on the hands. 447 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,880 It's really good. And it's hypoallergenic. 448 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,200 You can't get an allergy from it because it's totally pure. 449 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,920 Vegans can have it 'cause no animals have been killed. 450 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:47,520 And it's anti-inflammatory as well. 451 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,600 So if you've kinda got joint stiffness, it's incredible, it's so good. 452 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,360 [Jeremy] So, hang on. They go along and they leave slime, we know this. 453 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,600 Yes. 454 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,320 And then, let me just see if I've got this clear. 455 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,840 You take it to the farm shop and you sell snail slime. 456 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,560 No, no, I make it into a cream by using the slime. 457 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,720 -So how many have you bought? -Only a thousand. 458 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:10,680 There's a thousand? 459 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,280 [Lisa] We'll have 80.000 thousand once they mate. 460 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,440 -What? -[Lisa] Good, right? Prolific. 461 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,640 [soft music playing] 462 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,840 [Jeremy] And the snails weren't the only livestock that Lisa had on the go. 463 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,200 [ticking] 464 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,720 Back in the summer, she'd taken delivery of a flock of geese. 465 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,880 [Lisa] Right, girls... and boys. 466 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,360 Geeses. 467 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,440 [Jeremy] Which had thrilled the Diddly Squat goose expert, Gerald. 468 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,080 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 469 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,200 -[Gerald] Bzz, on the top of that, yeah? -Oh yeah? 470 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,160 [Jeremy] Over the following months, she'd worked tirelessly... 471 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:52,920 In all weathers... 472 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:54,960 [Lisa] Oh, fuck a duck. 473 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,320 [Jeremy] And round the clock. 474 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:57,920 [Lisa] See you in the morning. 475 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,000 [Jeremy] To rear and fatten them. 476 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:02,800 [Lisa] Morning, morning! 477 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,760 -Morning, morning. -[geese honking] 478 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,120 [Lisa] Ugh! 479 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,600 [music fading] 480 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,840 One, two, three, four, five... 481 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,480 [Jeremy] And now, on a cold December evening, 482 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,800 all that hard work was set to pay off 483 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,240 as she prepared to put on the first 484 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,760 in a series of festive geese nights. 485 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,000 So this is what... You should be proud, actually. 486 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,920 -I am. They look beautiful. -You should be. 487 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,320 I thought it might be weird looking at them, but they do look perfect. 488 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,240 And look, they've been well stuffed and there's no little hairs and stuff. 489 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,440 They look great. Wow. 490 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,360 I hope tonight works well, actually. 491 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,280 I'm gonna leave it to Lisa. It's Lisa's Geeses night. 492 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,040 [Jeremy] And anyway, I had some festive plans of my own. 493 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:58,120 So I asked Charlie to join me in my office for a briefing. 494 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:00,240 We need a grotto. 495 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,880 -What? -Well, we need a Christmas grotto. 496 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,400 -I've had a brainwave. Don't worry. -[Charlie] You mean, as in... 497 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,200 -[Charlie] Elves and Santa and... -Yes, exactly. 498 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,760 [Jeremy] Because we don't need the goose hut at the moment, 499 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,480 because the geeses aren't in it 'cause they're all... 500 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,880 -So we'll bring the goose hut over here. -[Charlie] Okay. 501 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,200 And we'll use that as the grotto. 502 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,200 So I'll put Father Christmas in it, 503 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,400 children come, Father Christmas gives them a little present, 504 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,960 you know, some little toy, 505 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,680 and we'll have a Nativity scene outside. 506 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:40,160 [Charlie] Where are we gonna find a Santa? It's December. 507 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,640 We need to check them, background checks. 508 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,480 -DBS check, just to make sure they're... -Sorry? 509 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,960 [Charlie] DBS, just to make sure they're safe. 510 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:53,800 What? I don't know what "DBS" means. 511 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,680 -DBS: have they got a criminal record? -Oh. 512 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,480 If they have got a criminal record, what's it for? 513 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:03,840 Well, every single year Santa breaks into about a billion houses round the world, 514 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,360 I should imagine he has got a criminal record. 515 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,280 [Charlie] Well, so we need to check that. 516 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,040 How... I mean, what if he doesn't turn up? 517 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,360 Well, you could say that if you were running a British Airways concern. 518 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,800 "There's no point buying these planes. What if the pilot doesn't turn up?" 519 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,880 How long do they get with Santa? 520 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,120 -I don't know, five minutes? -[Charlie] So it's 12 an hour. 521 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,480 [Jeremy] Hmm. 522 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,320 -Okay, and... -[Jeremy] Six hours a day. Twelve sixes? 523 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,600 72 sets of presents. 524 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,880 And make sure that there's somebody in there with the child as well. 525 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,440 -[Jeremy] Who? -Either a parent... 526 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,040 -[Jeremy] Or an elf. -Or an elf. 527 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,080 So I've gotta put an advert in the local paper saying, 528 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:45,120 "Wanted: Man or woman to dress up as an elf 529 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:46,400 for minimum wage." 530 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,040 No, national living wage. 531 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,560 So you're saying that we've gotta get a Santa, 532 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,800 we've gotta make sure he's not a paedophile, 533 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:54,680 an elf, 534 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,240 and all it means is bringing the goose hut over, 535 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,280 hosing some of the faeces out... 536 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,000 -[Jeremy] Well, actually all of them. -All of the faeces. 537 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,480 [Charlie] Disinfected. 538 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,880 [Jeremy] While Charlie was fully supporting my plans upstairs, 539 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,960 Lisa was in the kitchen getting some rather unwelcome news. 540 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:16,680 We're just salting them, 541 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,280 to bring the moisture out and make the skin crispy when they get roasted. 542 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,000 And when will you bring the rest in? 543 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,200 The rest? They're all here. 544 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,280 But, no, we're not... We're just... 545 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,680 Aren't we going to have them throughout the weeks 546 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,520 up until Christmas for lunches and dinners? 547 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,160 Do you have more geese? 548 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,800 No, I think this is for tonight for the big banquet, right? 549 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,200 This is all of them. 550 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,160 -I had 30. -This is... this is all the geese. 551 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,880 -[Lisa] The whole lot's going tonight? -[Nick] Yes. 552 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:49,640 [Lisa] But I thought we could have them for lunch and dinner up until Christmas. 553 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:50,960 No. 554 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,840 [Nick] The geese that you sent will cover us for tonight, no more. 555 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,760 Reindeer, are there any reindeer near here? 556 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,040 [Charlie] Are there any reindeer near here? 557 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,640 So we get a normal deer... 558 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:06,440 Which will freak when a kid goes near it. 559 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,520 How high do the fences have to be for deers? 560 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,240 [Charlie] Like, 6 feet, 8 feet. 561 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,240 Okay, so we'd put a six-foot... 562 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:13,840 It'll look like a prisoner-of-war camp. 563 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,840 [Jeremy] I know, I went to Stalag Luft III the other day. 564 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:21,320 Which is impressive, but I'm not sure it's the right theme. 565 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:23,040 Plastic animals. 566 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:24,840 [Charlie] That would look great. 567 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,520 I mean, it wouldn't, but it would be great. 568 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,840 That's the first good idea you've had. 569 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,280 [Jeremy] Later that night, Lisa decided 570 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,680 that all her geese guests should be made to share her pain. 571 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,600 Yes, and I thought all these geese would last from now 572 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,720 until Christmas Day. 573 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,600 No, no, no. You've eaten them all tonight apparently. 574 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,920 [Jeremy] As for me... 575 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:54,480 [upbeat music] 576 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,880 Charlie had eventually signed off on my grotto plan, 577 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,920 but I couldn't start on it just yet. 578 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:03,360 That's it. 579 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,280 [Jeremy] Because with winter now upon us... 580 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,680 [Jeremy] Hello, cows and End Game! 581 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,360 [Jeremy] The time had come to move our four-legged residents... 582 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:13,520 Sorry, cows. 583 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,040 [Jeremy] Into the warmth of their barn. 584 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,480 [Kaleb laughing] What are you doing that for? You're not boxing. 585 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:21,560 He might come at me. 586 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,720 -[Kaleb laughing] -Good End Game, yes. 587 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:25,680 You're my friend, aren't you? 588 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:29,960 That's good. 589 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:31,920 [bleating] 590 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,320 [Lisa] And that, my dear, is how you move sheeps. 591 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,280 [Jeremy] Once the animals were sorted, 592 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,560 I could get cracking with my grotto. 593 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,040 [soft guitar music playing] 594 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,960 And having advertised in nearby villages for a Santa, 595 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,240 a local chap had applied for the job. 596 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,000 When I can, but I have four dogs. 597 00:31:58,440 --> 00:31:59,920 And you're not a paedophile? 598 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:01,480 I'm not a paedophile, no. 599 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:03,560 Right. 600 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,800 [Jeremy] With the checks done and Santa hired, 601 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:11,880 the next job was to move the goose hut up to the pub. 602 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,160 And once that was done, 603 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,240 I could start turning it into a grotto. 604 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:20,640 Erm... 605 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,000 Here's my plan. 606 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,440 We're gonna have the "aminals" and the Nativity scene in there 607 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,040 with straw on the floor, 608 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,240 and then in here will be Father Christmas's grotto, 609 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,480 so I'll have to carpet this 610 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,280 and this will be snuggy. 611 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:41,000 And lo, the geese shall go 612 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,760 and there shall be rugs. 613 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,160 Right. 614 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:48,520 Presents. 615 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,120 Now technically, these aren't reindeer, but... 616 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,320 Yeah. 617 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:01,680 And there shall be light. 618 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,040 Elf of the week. 619 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,080 His writing desk. 620 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:14,560 Santa's weed. 621 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,560 [Jeremy] Once I'd furnished Santa's grotto 622 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,120 and laid out the Nativity scene... 623 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:22,960 [Jeremy] This is amazing, look at this. 624 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,640 [Jeremy] I thought it wise to refresh my memory 625 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,280 about the birth of the Baby Jesus. 626 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,160 So I've got myself, from the local church... 627 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:34,840 a Bible. 628 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,120 And in Matthew, 629 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,920 it says that... 630 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:41,960 "Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph." 631 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,960 I thought they were married. Okay, they were engaged. 632 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,120 "But before they came together, 633 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,160 she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit." 634 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,960 Now, he presents that as a fact. No checking, no backup, 635 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:54,880 "She's pregnant with the Holy Spirit." 636 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,520 "And because Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man 637 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,360 and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, 638 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,680 he had in mind to divorce her quietly." 639 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:05,760 What? 640 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,480 I never read that before. 641 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,320 "But after he had considered this, 642 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,880 an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, 643 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,760 'Joseph, son of David, 644 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,680 do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife 645 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:22,440 because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 646 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,960 Then the virgin,'" which she isn't, 647 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,680 "'will be with child and will give birth to a son 648 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,000 and they will call him Emmanuel.'" 649 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:33,760 What? 650 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,120 Emmanuel, why? 651 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,280 Why would they name the child after a 70s porn film? 652 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,280 Honestly, Matthew, 653 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:46,120 he writes like I do. 654 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,480 It's just all made up as he's going along. 655 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,880 [Jeremy] Besides Matthew's baffling version of events, 656 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:53,840 there was a more immediate issue, 657 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:58,000 as I explained to the Reverend Cooper upon his arrival. 658 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,720 -What worries me, Kaleb... -Yeah. 659 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,680 This was what we rented 660 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,320 as the infant Baby Jesus. 661 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:09,480 Look at the hair. 662 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,800 That's quite a lot of hair. That's taken some growing in that! 663 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:17,120 I mean, that is... Basically, this is the son of Barry Gibb. 664 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:18,840 Who's Barry Gibb? 665 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,760 [Jeremy] For me, the offspring of a Bee Gee simply didn't work 666 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,200 as the Baby Jesus. 667 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,280 So, I'd bought an alternative. 668 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:28,240 [Kaleb] It looks awful. 669 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:30,720 Well, it looks better than this. 670 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,880 We get some swaddling clothes on that... 671 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,720 [Kaleb] It's got a hat on it! 672 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,240 [Jeremy] It's a Cabbage Patch Jesus. 673 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:38,280 [Kaleb laughing] 674 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,000 -[Jeremy] Is it a cabbage patch? -It's not a cabbage patch. 675 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,400 -[Jeremy] Isn't it? -You're calling him a vegetable. 676 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,600 [Kaleb] He wasn't born with a hat back in whatever B.C. it was or something. 677 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,040 -"Whatever B.C. it was." -[Kaleb] Well, when was it? 678 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,200 Nought, that's the point. 679 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,320 Well, it's not B.C.? 680 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,360 [Jeremy] Oh, God... strewth, Kaleb. 681 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,160 Do you know what B.C. stands for? 682 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,720 -[Kaleb] No, I thought it was primaeval. -"Before Christ". 683 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:04,640 So there was people before Christ? 684 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,240 [Jeremy] Yeah, there were people before Christ. 685 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,280 I thought the whole intention of the Bible was that God come along 686 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:14,040 and created Jesus and that was, like, the birth of people. 687 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,080 No? 688 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,360 No! Well, where do you think Mary and Joseph were? 689 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:20,520 -How did they happen? -I don't know! 690 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,600 I thought they were once the T. Rex, 691 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,320 and then all of a sudden they was a monkey and then they come to this. 692 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,880 There was a T. Rex and a monkey and then Mary and Joseph... 693 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,760 I just thought evolution come along 694 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,240 and, you know, we were once a monkey and then we started talking 695 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:34,440 and all of a sudden, we started becoming humans. 696 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,880 Yes, that's evolution, that's what happened. 697 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,920 Yeah, so that's what I thought this happened. 698 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:39,960 No, no. 699 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,760 The Bible tells us that God... 700 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,240 Well, it's fake, 'cause she can't pregnant 701 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,160 without having a penis inside her. 702 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,080 -Well, she did. -It's impossible. 703 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,920 [Jeremy] Well, he believed her. Anyway, let's not get bogged down in that. 704 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,400 [Kaleb] Who's Gloria? 705 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,440 [Jeremy] The Angel Gabriel brought a towel along with "Gloria" written on it. 706 00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,840 He's obviously gotten the sex of the infant wrong. 707 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,400 -[Kaleb] It looks great, doesn't it? -[Jeremy] Yeah. 708 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,040 The kids are gonna love this, though. 709 00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:04,240 [Jeremy] I know they are. 710 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,840 [Jeremy] And I still hadn't finished, 711 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,840 because despite Charlie's enthusiasm for the animals being plastic, 712 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,440 I thought my grotto would be better 713 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,200 if it had some real livestock. 714 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,200 So, while I decorated the outside... 715 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,480 [Jeremy] Lovely job. 716 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,600 [Jeremy] Charles Darwin went off to get some. 717 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,840 [Kaleb laughing] 718 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,040 Welcome, goats, to your new home. 719 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,280 [Jeremy] Come on. In you go. Come on, you. 720 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:36,320 Go on. 721 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,240 Yeah, look round the corner like, "What the fuck is that?" 722 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:40,960 Well, that's their nemesis. 723 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:42,760 I mean, this is the symbol of the Devil, 724 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,480 and in there is the Baby Jesus. 725 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,600 Look at them, happy goats. 726 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,760 [Kaleb] He's having a piss already in there. 727 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,000 [Jeremy] What's he done? He's eating the fairy lights. 728 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,240 Is that actually powered by electricity? We should... 729 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,040 -[Kaleb] Yeah. -I need to stop that. 730 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,600 Shit. They're going to electrocute themselves! 731 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,320 [Jeremy] We have an emergency! 732 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,360 [Kaled] There you go. 733 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,600 -[Jeremy] Is that the mistletoe? -Huh? 734 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,640 -[Jeremy] Right. -That's the holly. 735 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,040 -[Jeremy] Okay. -Isn't it? 736 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:13,600 -[Jeremy] I don't know. -Huh? 737 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,200 [banging] Oh, fuck! 738 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,800 [Jeremy laughing] 739 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,560 This is glass here. 740 00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:23,800 [Kaleb] Oh, fuck. 741 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,640 [Jeremy] It's to stop the goats coming in here, mate! 742 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,320 It wasn't there earlier though! 743 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:29,400 Yeah, well, it is now! 744 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:34,200 I put it in to stop the goats coming into our Santa scene. 745 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,920 [Jeremy] No, don't eat Baby Jesus. 746 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,520 -[Jeremy laughing] -[goats bleating] 747 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:39,920 [Jeremy] Oh, my giddy aunt. 748 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,360 [Kaleb laughing] 749 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,400 [soft folk music] 750 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,480 [Jeremy] Eventually, I had to break away from the grotto 751 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:51,440 because Dilwyn was coming over to check and vaccinate the EasyCare sheep, 752 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:52,600 again. 753 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:58,040 And up at their field, where clearly a lot of ram action had been going on, 754 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:03,040 Kaleb had nearly done a good job of rounding them up. 755 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:04,560 The fence is on. 756 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,640 -[Jeremy] Why is that one not in, Kaleb? -[Kaleb] I can't get it in. 757 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,520 -[Jeremy] What? -[Kaleb] She is an arsehole. 758 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,680 [Jeremy] Why won't you go in? 759 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:15,280 Can you go open that gate? I've got it. 760 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,160 Go and open that gate. Quick. Quick, quick, quick. 761 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:18,360 [Jeremy] I can't do quick. 762 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,880 -Hold. That's it, hold that far end. -Shush your noise. 763 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,160 Stop it. Ow, you fucking sheep! 764 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:25,440 [Kaleb] Oh, my God! 765 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:26,760 Stop! 766 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:28,440 For fuck's sake! 767 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:34,280 Hello, sheeps, with your triangular easy-birth heads. 768 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:35,800 [Kaleb screaming] 769 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,160 [Jeremy] Vagina-friendly head shapes, that's what you've got. 770 00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:40,880 [Kaleb] Jeremy! Jeremy! 771 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,960 [Kaleb] Go on. Hey! Just slowly. 772 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:46,560 -Hold that far gate! Hold the far gate! -Ow, fuck! 773 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,880 -[electricity snapping] -Ow, fuck! 774 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,120 -[Jeremy] Fuck. -It's electrified. 775 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,000 [both grunting] 776 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:57,360 [Jeremy] Holy shit. 777 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:01,680 You let one out. 778 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,280 [Jeremy] Oh don't. I think it's just broken my finger. 779 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,320 -[Jeremy] These EasyCare sheep... -[Dilwyn] Yeah. 780 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,120 Are proven to... Well, they damn nearly turned him into... 781 00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:12,840 [Kaleb] Both my arms! 782 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,280 Oh, my finger is really painful. 783 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,720 [Jeremy] Being a vet, 784 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,960 Dilwyn wasn't really interested in our human injuries. 785 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:26,200 He just wanted to vaccinate the sheep against a rather nasty new disease. 786 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,440 Bluetongue, am I right in saying is like a little midge, 787 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:30,840 a little mosquito-ey thing? 788 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,400 Bluetongue's caused by a virus, 789 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,120 which is carried by midges. 790 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,360 Midges? And they started in Holland, 791 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,600 -blew across the Channel... -[Dilwyn] Yeah. 792 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,080 And bluetongue also kills sheep. 793 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,960 Okay, well, let's get on and inject them. 794 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:49,880 [Kaleb] Pinch the skin? 795 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:51,680 [Dilwyn] Yeah, pinch the skin. Wack it in there. 796 00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:56,440 -[Jeremy] Are you marking them? -[Dilwyn] Yeah. 797 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,800 [Jeremy] It's not a brilliant look. They look like Adam and the Ants. 798 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,440 [Jeremy] Dilwyn then decided, as we'd finally got the sheep in a pen, 799 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,480 he should clip their toenails. 800 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,840 [Jeremy] Is this gonna stop them being lame? 801 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:10,880 [Dilwyn] That is the plan. 802 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:13,440 [Kaleb] Just sit still! Be like a cow. 803 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,400 [Dilwyn] Normally, when you have them on their back, they just sit there. 804 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,600 [Jeremy] Oh wow, it's like you're doing a nail salon. 805 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,000 [Dilwyn] One down, 58 to go. 806 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:25,880 [Jeremy] Is this sheep number 3 you're doing now? 807 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,080 [Kaleb] Two. 808 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,000 -[Kaleb] We're gonna be here all day. -[Dilwyn] Yeah. 809 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,760 [soft folk music] 810 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:36,800 [Jeremy] With all the sheeps fully manicured, 811 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:38,600 we could get back to the grotto, 812 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,520 which still needed some finishing touches, 813 00:41:41,720 --> 00:41:44,440 starting with my snow machine. 814 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,520 [Jeremy] All right, I think this is how you do it. 815 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,080 [machine rumbling] 816 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,480 -Look at that! -That's wicked! 817 00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,520 We are not going to feature 818 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:03,840 in The Daily Mail's annual "Shit Christmas Grotto" photo, are we? 819 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,000 Oh, it's sticking to the trees, look! 820 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,000 [Jeremy] And then, to complete the Nativity scene... 821 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:13,800 Come on, Brittany. 822 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,280 Whoa! Now what do you think of this, goats? 823 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,480 Something else to eat. 824 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,160 I love donkeys. 825 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,360 [donkey braying] 826 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,520 -[Jeremy] Oh no, no. -[Kaleb] Hey! 827 00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:30,680 [Jeremy] Oh shit. 828 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,240 Jesus is having a tough time, I must be honest. 829 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,760 [Jeremy] Over in the Santa section of the grotto, 830 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,600 I then spotted another problem. 831 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:41,480 We're going to need a cameraman in here 832 00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,560 so we can film the scene of Santa with the children. 833 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:49,360 But that would rather spoil the mood if you put that in here. 834 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,480 [Jeremy] I then had a brainwave, 835 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:55,440 which required the help of our camera assistant. 836 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,920 -Joey? Joey? -Yeah? 837 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,120 Mate. 838 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:02,760 This is a big ask. 839 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,160 [unintelligible conversation] 840 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,760 [goat bleating] 841 00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,200 [Joey] Are you serious? 842 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,480 [soft folk music playing] 843 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,000 [Jeremy] An hour later, 844 00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:21,920 everything was ready in The Farmer's Dog Christmas Grotto, 845 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,280 even the cast of characters. 846 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:26,680 Ho, ho, ho! 847 00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:28,160 -This looks amazing. -Santa! 848 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:29,280 [Santa] Hello, little boy. 849 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,400 -Oh... -[Jeremy laughing] 850 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,120 -Hi. -[Santa] That's debatable. 851 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,280 [Jeremy] As the first of the families turned up... 852 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:40,720 [Santa] Oh, hello! 853 00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,000 [Santa laughing] 854 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,440 [Jeremy] Charlie arrived, and even he was impressed. 855 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,520 You know I had my doubts about this thing? 856 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,480 I know, you have your doubts about everything I wanna do. 857 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,560 I know. Well... But it's really good, actually! 858 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:57,280 And the business plan? 10 pounds a ticket. 859 00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,680 -The presents were 4 pounds. -Yeah. 860 00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,880 Father Christmas, I can't remember how much we're paying him - not much. 861 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,520 We're using the camera assistant as an elf. 862 00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:09,760 So off your ten pounds, have you taken 20% off? 863 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:11,200 Oh, I don't know. 864 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,480 Why are you bringing accountancy into the festive... 865 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,360 Off the 10, we only keep 8. 866 00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,160 Cause we have to give 20% to the government. 867 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:20,120 [Jeremy] Anyway, listen. 868 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,320 This is the biggest problem. Never mind your accountancy. 869 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,320 -[Jeremy laughing] -[Charlie] What? No! 870 00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:26,280 [Kaleb] Why? 871 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:30,800 [Jeremy] Jesus is being tossed around like an empty pair of pyjamas! 872 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,960 [Santa] Are you ready? Right... 873 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,760 -[woman] No! -[Santa screaming] 874 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,640 -[woman] Oh my... -[Santa] Oh no! 875 00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,080 [Santa] Oh! Get away! 876 00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:41,040 [soft music] 877 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:45,600 [Jeremy] While the endlessly comedic goats laid waste to the grotto, 878 00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,440 it was time for the rest of us to down tools 879 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,360 and in our own Diddly Squat way, 880 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,280 celebrate Christmas. 881 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,840 [horns hooting] 882 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,720 [Jeremy] Out on the roads, we joined all the local farmers 883 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,880 who'd temporarily forgotten about Rachel Reeves 884 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,280 so they could entertain the children 885 00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,320 with their annual Christmas tractor run. 886 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,560 [horns continue hooting] 887 00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:12,440 [cheering] 888 00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:14,400 -How are you doing? -[Jeremy] How are you? 889 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,240 -How are you? -Nice to meet you. 890 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,040 [Jeremy] Meanwhile, at The Farmer's Dog, 891 00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:19,800 we hosted a Christmas lock-in 892 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,360 for all the people who'd helped us make it a success. 893 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,120 [piano music playing] 894 00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:26,800 Hi, guys. Help yourselves. 895 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,520 The bar is open. 896 00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:31,240 [piano music continues] 897 00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,400 [Jeremy] Along with all the familiar faces... 898 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:36,600 Hi! 899 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,320 [Jeremy] There were Diddly Squat alumni from previous years. 900 00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:43,600 -[Jeremy] Look who's here! -Are you all right? 901 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,400 [Jeremy] Like Kevin and Ellen, the sheep people. 902 00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,680 I was reading you had shedding sheep now. 903 00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,880 [Jeremy] Yeah, we've got EasyCare. One of them was so easy 904 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:54,160 to care for it died. 905 00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:58,120 [Jeremy] Even Mr "No, No, No" Tom turned up, 906 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,280 proudly announcing he was now a published author. 907 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:04,320 -Is this your book? -Yeah. 908 00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:07,360 I used to go out with local groups 909 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:08,680 and do moss walks and stuff. 910 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:10,760 -[Jeremy] Fantastic. -[Lisa] This is great. 911 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:13,320 [Jeremy] I thought it said "A Guide to finding Moses". 912 00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:20,360 Lisa? Harriet's bought us a present. 913 00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:21,560 [Lisa] No way! 914 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,040 -[Lisa] Did you make that? -[Harriet] Yes. 915 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:24,240 -You made it? -[Harriet] Yes. 916 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,560 -[Lisa] Thanks, Harriet. -[Harriet] It hangs that way. 917 00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,320 It's Christmassy and violent. 918 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,480 And my sister and my dad shot them all and killed that pheasant. 919 00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,600 Aw, that is brilliant! 920 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,240 -Where should we hang it? -You don't have to put it up! 921 00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:40,760 -We do. -We do. 922 00:46:41,240 --> 00:46:42,680 [Charlie] Hi, Nick. You all right? 923 00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:44,760 -[Lisa] You go like that. -[Jeremy] Yeah. 924 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,080 -[Lisa] You pick it up with your mouth. -[Jeremy] What? 925 00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,440 You'd have to be Mick Jagger to get that. 926 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,400 -No, hang on. -[Lisa] Okay. 927 00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:54,920 [Jeremy] Right, so... 928 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:56,600 No, no, no, not on your knees. 929 00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:58,760 No hands and no knees. 930 00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:01,760 [people cheering and laughing] 931 00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:02,800 [Jeremy] Ha, ha! 932 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,440 -[Kaleb] Are you ready, Gerald? -Yeah. 933 00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,960 -All right, 101, yeah? Double out. -Who can do maths? 934 00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:12,920 -[Kaleb] I'm quite good at darts maths. -[Gerald] Nothing in! 935 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,760 There's no light on the dartboard either, I can't see it. 936 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:17,680 [Kaleb] You're getting closer every time! 937 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,080 [Harriet] You should get your head torch and put it on it! 938 00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:21,360 [Harriet] Yeah! 939 00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:24,200 -That was good. -What's the prize anyway? 940 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:25,640 I'll buy you a drink. 941 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,240 [Harriet and Ellen] It's a free bar. 942 00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,680 I know, that's my point. 943 00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,680 [soft Christmas music playing] 944 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,280 [cheering] 945 00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,080 -[Jeremy] Could you do that? -Absolutely zero chance. 946 00:47:39,240 --> 00:47:42,840 I couldn't. Absolutely ridiculous. I was on my hands and knees. 947 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:46,040 [Lisa] Come on, Charles. I'll do health and safety for ya. 948 00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:47,440 [Charlie] Oh, Jesus! 949 00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:48,640 Hang on... 950 00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,360 [Charlie] No way! That's not gonna happen! 951 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,720 -[Gerald] No, that's 21. -[Kaleb] What? 952 00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,120 -[Kaleb] You didn't get 12, you got 9. -I got 7 and 5. 953 00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:58,720 [Kaleb] You got 9, 7 and 5. 954 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,040 [soft Christmas music continues playing] 955 00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,840 [Jeremy] As the drink flowed and the fire roared... 956 00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,960 [soft Christmas music continues playing] 957 00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:16,160 There was no doubt we'd made a really good pub... 958 00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:22,640 But in the New Year, 959 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,640 I knew we had to make a really good farm as well. 960 00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,240 {\an8}[Kaleb] It's gonna feel weird leaving England. 961 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,160 -[Jeremy] This is what abroad is like. -[Kaleb] Wow. 962 00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:41,120 [Jeremy] Bloody hell. 963 00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:42,960 [man] This is the future of farming. 964 00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:44,720 [Kaleb] Holy shit. 965 00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:47,760 This is just, like, my mind is in overdrive right now. 966 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,480 It's about to blow up. 967 00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:51,960 [rock music]